Dr Natasha Kennedy is graduating today with a PhD in English Literature from Queen’s University Belfast, completing a journey marked by profound grief and remarkable strength. Her thesis is dedicated to her son, Lugh, whose life and loss shaped her path to this moment. 

While writing the second chapter of her thesis, Natasha discovered she was pregnant. Her joy quickly turned to heartache as complications arose, and at just 25 weeks, she went into spontaneous labour. 

Natasha gave birth to her son in April 2019, and they called him Lugh after the Irish sun god, because his hair was so fair and they needed him to be strong.  

After spending 147 days in neonatal care, Lugh came home for two weeks, but their joy was short-lived. His health deteriorated rapidly, and he was diagnosed with a rare condition called Pulmonary Hypertension, the result of two holes in his heart and underdeveloped lungs. Targeted medication was started, but Lugh became very unwell quickly and was rushed to the intensive care unit at the children's hospital. Sadly Lugh’s condition worsened, and on November 28, 2019, Natasha’s world shattered when he passed away at just eight months old. 

Reflecting on this period of her life, Natasha shares: 

“Grief is suffocating, and you wonder how you will ever survive such an insurmountable loss. It doesn’t get easier, but you become more adept at managing it. Life continues to build around the grief. I remember reading a letter from Nick Cave about the loss of his son, and he said there is no ‘other side’ to grief, that ‘in time, there is a way, not out of grief, but deep within it.’ That resonated with me.” 

From this experience, Natasha found an inner resilience:  

“I found that my grief and love for Lugh became a vessel for channelling strength and perseverance - if I had to do something difficult, scary, or hard, I'd say: “If Lugh could go through all that, I can do this".” 

Yet her journey was far from over. Just months after losing Lugh, Natasha experienced a missed miscarriage. This second loss, coming so soon after her first, left her distraught. Her mental health took a significant toll, but with the help of trauma-based psychotherapy and antidepressants, she gradually found her way back. 

As Natasha explains: 

“I was quickly referred for therapy and after 14 months, I was discharged but I wouldn’t be here today without the incredible support of my supervisor, Dr Caroline Sumpter, and the flexibility of Queen’s. My thesis should have taken four years, but it took almost seven. It was a tough journey, but I did it.” 

Just months before submission, Natasha discovered she was pregnant again. Struggling with exhaustion and morning sickness, she powered through, taking three weeks off work but still managing to submit her thesis. At 18 weeks pregnant, she passed her viva with minor corrections. 

The good news continued when Natasha gave birth to a healthy baby boy, Torin, in July of this year: 

“I deferred my graduation so Torin could be there with me. After all, he technically sat the viva too!” 

Natasha’s journey is a testament to her unwavering resilience. She credits her recovery and academic success to the support network she had: 

“I was very lucky to have my family, friends, and (now) husband who were continually checking in and offering help. I had an excellent therapist who gave me the tools to help manage those difficult emotions and a very supportive PhD supervisor who went above and beyond, helping with a lot of the admin work for applying for flexibility and extension of deadlines.” 

Natasha also began writing a blog to reflect on her experience and work through those emotions she was experiencing.  

Today, Natasha stands not only as a Queen’s graduate but as an advocate for speaking about grief and loss. She encourages others to share their stories: 

“It was only through speaking to people, strangers and friends, that I realised how many had experienced baby and infant loss. Grief can feel isolating, but it’s important to talk about it and remember those we’ve lost.” 

Natasha works as a Senior Library Assistant at Special Collections and Archives in the McClay Library, finding joy in working with rare books and sharing her passion with visitors. Though she plans to publish her thesis one day, she is currently focused on navigating motherhood with Torin and cherishing every moment. 

Media

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