As an international student, or as any human being living abroad, it is normal that we face many unknown emotions and at the same time they can feel very contradictory. It's well-known how lonely it can feel to move out of your home, away from your family, your friends, your customs and every aspect of your life that you might feel used to. 

However, little is said about those feelings related to the weight of being gone and feeling guilty for having 'left' your home, or having 'left behind' those who care about you.

In my experience, this intrusive feeling has appeared from time to time without being invited during the time I have been here, and I have realised how harmful it is every time it wants to visit me.

Prepare yourself for the big move to Belfast!

Being aware that it happens to many, I am going to tell you the things that have helped me to transform that strange feeling into something positive and useful to take advantage of this wonderful experience of living in Belfast.

Behind every negative emotion is a bad thought

The famous imposter syndrome is the most recurrent one I have heard is felt by my colleagues of different nationalities. It is true that we are privileged to be able to study at a university abroad, our abilities and different forms of support have brought us here - yet, why is it sometimes so difficult for us to believe that it is our life? That what we are living is real and that we are fulfilling our dreams?

Everything around us is evidence that we are where we deserve to be. Please don't allow yourself to wallow in guilt about the new privileges and benefits you have from studying in Belfast, this is your life and you are lucky to have it.

Remember to enjoy yourself while studying in Belfast - check out this student guide to the city

We often fall into thoughts that make us feel unworthy of what we have; and guilty that our parents or guardians are investing their money and work in us. On the contrary, our families are fortunate to be able to provide us with what we need to be able to fulfill our dreams; and we should be fortunate to be able to count on their unconditional support, love and care to be able to fulfill our dreams.

Contingencies

Before moving to Belfast, I was already living abroad away from my family in Colombia. I had been living in the United States for one year when I received the news of my grandmother's deteriorating health. I was about to start my classes at Queen’s, and I didn't know if I should go back to Colombia to help my family or move permanently to Belfast; I chose the latter. Once in Belfast, my grandmother's health deteriorated until she passed away.

I carried a lot of responsibility for a long time. I felt that instead of focusing my time and energy on myself, I should have been present with my family, helping my mother with the care of my grandmother and been helpful in whatever was needed. However, it's impossible to control what's going to happen and a lot of things will happen in our homes while we're living away.

Focus on the present

These are contingencies, so try not to worry about them - they're going to happen and they don't really depend on you. Things can inevitably get out of our hands and become beyond our control.

Try to focus on your present to understand and accept what is within your possibilities and capabilities, that your life is now in Belfast and that you can move forward with your studies.

Cut your ties and adjust your mindset

On many occasions, my mind gets out of tune and involuntarily thinks that I am still at home, making me do things that would normally be obligatory to do at home, or making me think the way I would normally do regarding certain aspects. Many times, it is very normal to enter into this dynamic where your mind and your actions are out of tune with the new realities and experiences you are living. 

Living abroad is one of the best ways to free yourself from so many prejudices and ties that you grow up with that seem natural and, in the end, we realise that they aren't. That is part of the experience of being 'the one who left'.

Living abroad allows you to experience new cultures, opportunities and environments - make the most of it!

You must accept your new freedom and learn to know yourself again, who you are and have been able to be so far, and most importantly what version of yourself you want to be now. It's a matter of adjustment, of not feeling like you're betraying yourself, but living a new experience and getting to know yourself better.

An interesting thing can happen where the people we leave in our homes think that you are no longer the same person, and it's true, you are no longer that person and that's not a bad thing. They must also adjust to understanding that you are living in a new reality and that it is normal that your instincts and desires have led you to change a little.

You shouldn't feel guilty about this because in fact, it's a luxury to be able to know all the versions you can be of yourself!

Find out more

Welcome and Orientation at Queen's

Information for new students

Student Wellbeing Service

Information for students from Colombia

Isabella Barros De La Rosa Violence, Terrorism and Security | Postgraduate Student | Colombia Hello, my name is Isabella Barros, I am 24 years old and I am from a beautiful city on the Caribbean coast of Colombia called Barranquilla. I am currently pursuing my master's in Violence, Terrorism and Security at Queen’s. I am very into running and outdoor activities. That's why Belfast is so amazing to live in, because of the landscapes, and the spaces for this kind of hobby. Besides running and studying, you can find me in any bookstore, wandering around the city, or enjoying a pleasant coffee in a cute cafe!