Ah, uni days, it’s all pub quizzes, cheap pints and chilling in the halls, mixed in with the odd library day, right?

Well, for many students this is definitely not the case as they have the very big responsibility of trying to raise a child or two in between listening to lectures and keeping up with deadlines. So, pub quizzes are swapped with going over spellings and times tables, the money for a few pints is needed for keeping the school dinner account topped up and chilling in the halls is replaced by bedtime stories and getting up for night feeds.

There are more student parents than you think

In the School of Nursing and Midwifery there is a high proportion of student parents compared to any other school (my tutorial group of 18 has 6 parents, not including the step parents or partners of those with children) and this is despite these being some of the toughest courses out there. It can be tricky to manage the mix of 50% class time and 50% placement time throughout 3 years along with everyday life, never mind with kids in tow! Yet many are managing it and they will tell you themselves that they are anything but superhuman.

^{My tutorial group of 18 has 6 parents, not including the step parents or partners of those with children}

So, this post is to provide a little bit of reassurance and some hopefully helpful tips (based on my own personal experiences as a mum of three boys and the experiences of some of the amazing Mums and Dads that I’ve met through my course) for all the student parents out there, that even though it can feel like a huge mountain to climb, being a student and a parent is not impossible and does not have to be a negative experience – it can be a really positive experience for you and your children.

Where can studying fit into this thing called life?

With children, things are never going to be plain sailing. Whether it’s a phone call to say they’ve been sick at school or them begging you to leave them to the teenage disco on a Friday night, sometimes you need to be creative with when and where you study. Downloading the Queen’s canvas app and Microsoft Teams on your phone can be a lifesaver. Many a time I’ve listened to the end of a lecture outside of the primary school waiting for the pickup. Completing quizzes, watching videos, and listening to podcasts can easily be ticked off the to do list when a doctor’s appointment is running late or while waiting for a swimming lesson to finish.

^{2022 Students Union Education Officer Beth Elder gives a welcome to Queen's University and to using Canvas}

You’ll be surprised by what you can achieve by using small windows of time as a studying opportunity. My advice would be to keep a diary and write in the dates things are due, including the small things like reading a specific article or completing a worksheet. It’ll help you remain in control, and you’ll get a massive sense of satisfaction when you score things off.   

^{Try to use small windows of time for studying opportunities}

The guilt pangs are real

The intensity of the course and the realities of life in between will definitely make you feel guilty that you aren’t spending as much time with your family as you like. This is completely normal and felt by every student parent I know.

Make sure you are truly present when with them (which often means putting the phone away) and doing things they enjoy. One of my classmates goes Pokémon hunting with her son on her days off which they both love and has helped them to remain close. Another classmate gets her children to help with the dinner and they all listen to music together whilst doing so.

^{Make sure you are truly present with your children during your free time}

When I’m on a break in placement, I send my teenagers memes and TikTok videos I know they would enjoy so they know I’m thinking of them. The key is to think quality over quantity when it comes to time spent with your children. The guilt will always be there, so remember why you’re doing this in the first place, the fantastic example you are setting for them and how proud they are and will be of you for doing what you’re doing.   

We don’t like to talk about it, but money matters

Becoming a student will mean a change in your financial circumstances. So, make sure you are getting everything you are entitled to as a parent.  If you are unsure if you are entitled to government benefits, make sure you contact a service such as Citizen’s Advice or Make the Call. If you need additional support from the university contact SU Advice or the Money Advice Service, who will be more than happy to help you with budgeting ideas and how to access additional funds.

It can be tough if you have children to budget, especially if they enjoy a variety of afterschool activities or get bored easily. Try swapping gymnastics lessons with a run around your local park or the Saturday morning trip to your local coffee shop for a slice of cake with an attempt of some homemade fairy cakes. One of my classmate’s toddlers loves a browse around their local pet shop just to see the animals and can leave happy without money crossing palms.

"If you need additional support from the university contact SU Advice or the Money Advice Service, who will be more than happy to help you with budgeting ideas and how to access additional funds."

If you do need to spend money on the likes of a new pair of trainers for them, don’t forget to take advantage of your student status and sign up for discount sites such as UNiDAYS and Student Beans.

Asking for help can be hard

Being a parent can make you feel proud, which means you like to do as much as possible on your own. Do try to swallow this pride and take any help offered from friends and family seriously as you will need it. I ask my neighbour to take my son to school along with her daughter when I have a 9am lecture so I can get logged on in time without feeling frazzled, and sure, they were going that way anyway.

Don’t be afraid to explain to the parents who are hosting a birthday party at the local soft play centre that you are dropping your child off then coming back as you are using the childfree hour as an opportunity to get your next essay started. If your mother-in-law starts cleaning out your saucepan cupboard whilst watching the children when you’re out in placement, let her! Just think, it’s one less job for you to do! You’ll find most people will be more than willing to help you out so you can succeed with your studies.

^{Don't be afraid to ask for help}

Within the university, tell your lecturer when your child was up half the night teething and contact your personal tutor if you feel that you are starting to fall behind. They are there to help you but won’t be able to if they don’t know what’s going on at home. Also, don’t be afraid to vent to other student parents, no one understands your situation as much as they do, and I’ve personally found they have provided me with the most invaluable support and advice whilst I’ve been attempting to juggle my studies around my children.

Use your parenting experience to your advantage

Not having as much time to cram in the library for an upcoming exam can induce feelings of anxiety and dread, but what you have in life experience as a parent will go unrivalled to others, especially in the skills required within the School of Nursing and Midwifery. When you’ve had everyone stare at you while your 4-year-old kicks and screams on the floor of a crowded department store, speaking out in class can feel like a breeze. Contributing to group tutorial discussions is not as daunting when you use your own experiences as examples.

Empathy and understanding for a patient’s circumstances is likely to come more naturally to you when on placement as you’ve been through many ups and downs yourself. An understanding of how the health service operates and what services are available may be ingrained in your mind following numerous trips to outpatients, A&E and the GP with your children.

^{Contributing to group tutorial discussions is not as daunting when you use your own experiences as examples}

Making sure you collect child number one from football practice and have the spuds peeled before lifting child number two from their mate’s house displays excellence in time management. Never forget that many desirable traits are already established within you before starting your degree.

Other skills as well as those already mentioned include problem-solving, multi-tasking, patience, conflict resolution, discipline, leadership, organisation, communication, the list goes on!

Don’t forget to breathe!

Even if it feels like you’re never in the house between heading to Queen’s, doing 12-hour shifts for placement, working part-time, and running out to do the Tesco shop (phew!) make sure you allocate a little bit of time for you EVERY SINGLE DAY! You’ll find that if you don’t spend time on yourself that the chapter you were supposed to have read will never stick in your head and things like sorting out the washing or dealing with the kids refusing to give up their Xbox at bedtime will start to feel overburdening.

^{Make sure to take some time out for yourself}

So, even if it’s only 5-10 minutes, you really need to do something that makes you feel good (that doesn’t involve social media) to stop yourself getting burnt out. If you aren’t looking after yourself, your physical and mental health will suffer, and this will eventually have a knock-on effect with everything else including your parenting and studies.  

"Empathy and understanding for a patient’s circumstances is likely to come more naturally to you when on placement as you’ve been through many ups and downs yourself."

You truly are amazing – whether you feel like it or not!

Taking the plunge to do a degree is daunting, especially when you have more to think about than yourself. Organising childcare around early starts and late nights can be tough, and coming back to a messy house doesn’t make things feel any easier! Personally, I put off applying for this course for years as I had been battling with myself over whether it was doable or not with three children (one of which has an autism diagnosis).

Yes, it has been hectic at times and yes, there’s been days when I’ve either forgotten to pack a P.E. kit or I’ve let them sit on their computer for longer than they should so I could finish my own work, but I wouldn’t change this experience for anything. My sense of confidence, pride and self-worth have gone through the roof and thankfully my children have noticed this too.

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