My name’s Erin but most of my friend’s just call me by my last name, Boyle. This will be one of my very first blogs for Queen's and (hopefully) not the last. I’m a second year here at Queen’s and currently studying Computer Science. Don’t worry I’m not here to bore you with my computer and technology knowledge which let’s be honest, is not a lot. No, this blog is to talk about all things LGBT and the topic for today is coming out.

It can be a completely jarring thought for some people when it comes to telling someone that you are in some way LGBT. So many thoughts run through your head when you tell that first person but nonetheless sometimes getting it out can be the best thing for us.

Lockdown gave me a lot of thinking time

I first came to terms with my sexuality when I was 16. It was the first lockdown and I was spending a lot of my time with me, myself, and I. It allowed me to figure out a lot about myself and who I really was. Of course, a part of me always knew. For instance, the time I went to see the Little Women remake in 2019 and found myself always watching Florence Pugh but at the time it was merely because she was, and I quote, “a really good actress.” Nevertheless, the thought of telling anyone was terrifying.

I worried about acceptance

All the negative thoughts run through your head like, “what if they don’t accept me?” or, “what if I lose my friend because of this?” and then once you do come out to that person the thoughts feel so stupid and small but they are genuine fears that unfortunately do happen from time to time.

The first person I came out to was my best friend. We were on a facetime call and I remember thinking, “this is it, this is when I come out to her.” Tears were starting to form in my eyes as I tried to get the words out. She didn’t understand why I just got upset out of nowhere when I suddenly just blurted it out.

At first, she didn’t really know what to say and to be honest, I didn’t help myself by doing it on April Fools’ Day, but she was completely fine with it. I knew she would be but of course, like I said before, there is always that fear that she wouldn’t be.

I knew I needed to tell my mum

I then went on to tell my closer friends who were all completely fine with it but I knew in the back of my head that there was one person that I needed to tell - my mum. My mum and I have always been close and I felt awful for holding this part of me away from her. I always knew she would be fine with it but yet again, that fear strikes.

I actually came out to her during an argument which yes, wasn’t the best timing, but I again just blurted it out. I remember the adrenaline running through my body, my heart rate beating faster and faster as I waited for her response. I don’t think my mum was overly shocked. The thing that always sticks with me though is what she said afterwards which was, “I love you no matter who you love.”

 “I love you no matter who you love.”

It's a big step

After I came out to my mum and other close family members, I honestly didn’t care who knew, I was openly bisexual yet I will still always remember the feeling before coming out for the first time. On one hand you are filled with this fear that makes you feel awful yet on the other, you know this is a big step and is allowing you to be your true self to people and that’s what’s important.

To me coming out was terrifying, yet it was so worth it. Especially since coming up to Belfast I’ve felt more comfortable to be myself and live the way I want to!

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Erin Boyle  Computer Science | Undergraduate Student | Northern Ireland Hi, how’s it going! My name’s Erin but most people just call me Boyle. I’m 19 and a second-year computer science student here at Queen's. I’m here to talk all thing’s LGBT and maybe help a few people out!