Hi there! I don't know if you know me by now, but my name is Ghada Al Fakih. I'm a Lebanese Clinical Health Psychology Master's student at Queen's University Belfast. When I found myself three-quarters into my degree, I couldn't help but notice my feelings of loneliness creeping in. Today, I want to reflect on my experience and share how I've managed to turn my loneliness into fuel for empowerment. You may think I'm glorifying the challenge I have faced, but I want to reassure you that if I could do it, you can too.

The pressure of constant growth

We live in a world that demands constant growth and the relentless pursuit of success. This can be both rewarding and daunting. Why is that? There are many reasons, but a significant factor is capitalism. As our society advances, we have no choice but to hop on a train that won't stop or wait for us. This relentless pace has shifted relationship dynamics between families, work, and acquaintances, making us more individualistic and isolated as we each focus on our paths and goals.

Follow Ghada through a day in her life

My cultural background

I was born into a Lebanese family with very warm, tight familial and social connections. For the longest time, we did things for each other no matter what. This sense of togetherness is deeply ingrained in me, but the life I'm leading now is far from that. I find myself caught in the middle—neither fully connected nor entirely isolated. Can you imagine how unsettling that must feel?

Trying to Hop on the Train

When we returned to campus for classes, I first recognised that something needed to change right after COVID-19. My first challenge was to build a personal routine that allowed me to pursue my wellbeing. I began by trying to find different hobbies and side hustles to keep myself busy and establish a solid base for my future.

Check out Ghada's tour of Swanston House Accommodation

It was hard at first; doing things independently was uncomfortable, awkward, and unpleasant. I was indirectly dependent on those around me to keep me company. I avoided being alone at all costs. Grabbing coffee, shopping, going to the gym, eating, walking, and attending events alone was challenging and dreadful.

Reflecting back on this phase of my life, I was younger, which played a role, but I was lost and quite scared to discover who I really am, as I was taken by the constant need for validation from those around me. Yes, I was definitely a people pleaser.

Step 1: Mental Health and Psychotherapy

As clichéd as it sounds, I began to show up for myself, step by step, without putting too much pressure on myself. After personal hardships, when I was at my lowest low, I made the decision to seek help from a psychiatrist and a psychologist. That, on its own, was a step to show up for me.

Watch Ghada's guide to dealing with stress as a student

With more awareness of the things that bothered me, I intrinsically learned tools that I can use to cope with certain emotions. For instance, I once had plans with a friend that got cancelled at the last minute. Initially, I was very disturbed and angry as I felt like I was thrown to the side. But as soon as I identified my emotions and, without judgement, let them take their space, I avoided negative self-talk, pulled out my journal, and let it out. Journalling may not be your solution, but take a step back, celebrate your smallest wins, and approach your whole self with unregarded compassion.

Step 2: Prioritise YOU

I used to be a person who built their schedule around plans with other people. This led me to burnout because all I was doing was ignoring my own needs and putting others first. I established a routine for myself with myself. I began going to the gym religiously 3-4 times a week. I was very committed to attending my university classes and volunteering hours. I slowly felt a shift in how my wellbeing improved. I had time for myself and everything else as well. The reward is unreal!

Step 3: Enjoy Your Solo Time

I lived with my grandparents during my bachelor's degree studies in Beirut. I was constantly surrounded by their love and presence. I found myself really low one day, so they asked me if I wanted to go to the mountains with them, which I did. On our way, I realised my phone wasn't with me. It felt weird at first, but it was a very freeing experience. It was the first time I went on a solo hike without anything or anyone. Oh boy, what a ride it was!

The peace, the healing energies, and the serenity I felt were unmatched, which is why I remind myself of how empowering it is to be with yourself. From my limited experience, going into the wave was the scariest thing, but it was so rewarding that I would never wait until a surfer came and rescued me. After every crippling lonely moment, I found that the reward far outweighed the "punishment". It was really when I was entirely alone, I built the most meaningful connections with those around me. Grab a drink with yourself, go to a concert, rent a bike and explore the city. You are free.

Leave your phone at home and enjoy your own company

Embracing Your Own Journey

You are not alone. Living abroad is very challenging, lonely, and depressing at times. But also, an opportunity for you to bloom like never before. I am reminding myself and you of how incredible one’s own company can be. Sometimes, all you need is to feel lonely to tune into your senses and get the push to spend time with yourself.

My personal journey with myself still needs to be completed; it never will be. It brings me a sense of comfort, knowing that being alone is confronting my whole being and discovering my strengths, weaknesses, talents, and areas of improvement. I want to reassure you wholeheartedly that no matter how put-together people seem, everyone has their own silenced struggles that are just as destructive as yours. Rather than focusing on how "perfect" those around you are, focus on you, on your perfect imperfections that are unique to you and that make you so exceptional.

A dear friend reminded me: "Being alone is wonderful…. cause why wouldn't you wanna hang out with you?" and I couldn't relate more. You are awesome the way you are! Feel it, embody it, and enjoy every single bit of it.

Find out more

BLOG: Dealing with Living Abroad as an International Student

BLOG: How to Deal With Loneliness as an International Student

BLOG: Self-Care is Self-Love, it’s Not Selfish!

VIDEO: My Journey Home for the Summer

Wellbeing at Queen's

Ghada Al Fakih Clinical Health Psychology | Postgraduate Student | Beirut, Lebanon Ghada Al Fakih is a passionate, hard-working, and selfless individual, devoted to helping others grow, while elevating surrounding vibrations with harmony and positivity. She is a well-rounded and accomplished individual with a strong passion for helping others. She is a valuable asset to any team and is sure to make a positive impact on the world. Ghada is pursuing her Master of Science in Clinical Health Psychology at Queen's University Belfast. She has a strong background in psychology and public health. She is a certified Emotional Liberation Breathing Practitioner and has completed a clinical psychology rotation at the American University of Beirut Medical Center.